The other night I had a conversation with my almost 19-year-old son, Adam. He is one of the most confident people that I know. His “self talk” is pretty amazing. He is his own cheerleader—to the point that I have a hard time remembering the last time he was down on himself. He knows that he is bright, a success, that he can do whatever he decides is important in his life.

“You are the only person on earth who can use your ability.” — Zig Ziglar

The conversation evolved into a discussion of whether or not we should care what other people think about us. His take on the subject was that you should only care what others think about you if you love them and have a relationship with them. He said, “I care what you think of me Mom.” Now, for some moms, this would have been music to their ears. His comment, however, really took me aback. Here is this young, confident man caring what I think of him, his actions, and his choices.

“I would much rather have regrets about not doing what people said, than regretting not doing what my heart led me to and wondering what life would have been like if I’d just been myself.” —Brittany Renée

The problem with giving other people our power is twofold. First off, it forces us to stop listening to our inner being—the part of us that is always there to guide us to seek our own joy. The other problem is that it develops a pattern within us of doing things to please others, to take responsibility for their happiness and joy—a pattern that in the long run, can only lead to our own frustration, anger, and depression.

“Be who you are and say what you feel
because those who mind don’t matter
and those who matter don’t mind.”
—Dr. Seuss

When we come forth on this planet, we get this. My 4-year-old granddaughter, Savannah, still gets it. She does things that make her happy, that make her giggle, things that SHE wants to do. Never mind that Mom and Dad, at times, feel like pulling their hair out. Savannah really doesn’t care what they think. She never entertains the thought that she is not perfect in every way.

“It took me a long time not to judge myself
through someone else’s eyes.”
—Sally Field

So when did we start letting what others thought about us become our normal habit of thought? When was it that we started behaving in a way that we thought would make others happy, instead of behaving in a way that made us happy?

“Other people’s opinions of you does
not have to become your reality.”
—Les Brown

Do you know what? It doesn’t make any difference when it happened. All that matters now is making a new decision about where we will go from here.

So, my message to my son is to please realize that it’s not his job to behave in a way that goes against his inner being’s knowingness. It’s not his job to make Mom—or anyone else—happy. It’s Mom’s job, just as it’s his job, to make himself happy. And it’s all of our jobs to seek our joy and follow our bliss. Because, folks, that’s what it’s all about.

“Make the most of yourself, for that is all there is of you.”
—Ralph Waldo Emerson